Lab Partner

So originally, I had a lab partner, but she threw up early today and could not make it to lab. She told me that she did try to tough it out, but that did not work out, so I ended up partnering up with an asian dude. He was talkative, quick, and a twin! At times, he can come real close and act super super casual like we have been long time friends, which made me extremely uncomfortable. We even grazed hands a bit, which made me super more uncomfortable. Any who, we finished the lab within 2 hours and we were outtttt! This was just a little bit about my lab partner. 

much needed right now

What a shame

So..I have this thing where I absolutely want to make friends, but I also am afraid of being judged and gossiped about. I want to get close to someone, but I just push them away? Why am I like that. So this is what happened today: 

I have just finished with my review session. Using my peripheral vision, this guy--I met when he joined my table in chemistry, but we eventually got assigned seating--was standing, waiting by the door. At first, I thought he just wanted to ask the professor a question since she was already occupied with another student. I was still copying notes from the board. Just when I was packing up a few minutes later and getting ready to leave, he was turning to leave. That was when I got suspicious. Everything happened so fast...I just walked the opposite way of where he left. Was he waiting for me..? Did he no longer wanted to clarify a question? He definitely looked back to see where I was going. Maybe I should of said something. Did he want to be my friend? Finally a boy friend (not boyfriend)? 

I am mean. 

Am I just over thinking this? 

I need to make connections.... //sigh// 2AM thoughts

Bullies

I get it. I'm anti-social and socially awkward, but I'm trying. It's difficult for me to make friends. But did you have to go that far? Behind my back? The lowest of the low. In front of everybody at that? What did I ever do to you? I really can't anymore. I don't want any part of your drama, but clearly that isn't going to work. I'm not in the clique of popular and gossiping group like you are. What did I do to you? Things like this can lead to a bigger mess. Things could happen that you will regret. But here I am...not going to do anything about it...and that makes me angry with myself. What can I even do... Why me...?